Thursday, October 23, 2003
MY BRILLIANT CAREER(S) Part 1.
JIM LETS US GO
Hey guys. How was your weekend? Do anything good?”
“Nothing much. The usual,” CR said.
“I got married,” I said. “That was on Saturday. On Sunday I watched the playoffs.”
“Jeez,” said Jim. “I guess I’ve got some bad timing then.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“I’ve got to let the both of you go. Friday’s gonna be your last day."
“No problem,” I said. “If you got to, then you got to.”
“Yeah,” said Jim. “You know how it is then.”
I did know how it was. Over the past couple of months my job had consisted of trying to stretch out an hour’s worth of work into a full day of looking busy. In many ways, it was more tiring than actually working.
NEWS FLASH
“I got fired today. Well actually Jim let us go.” I said. “I’m through on Friday.”
“I’m shocked,” FW said. “As hard a worker as you are. What will you do now?”
“Right now, I’m gonna see what’s on. After that, I don’t know.”
A RED HERRING & AN EQUIVOCATION
“I talked to my father. He thinks you should substitute teach.”
“Since when did your father become an employment counselor? Last I looked he was putting up aluminum siding.”
“That’s vinyl siding. And he says come by Saturday morning. He’ll pay you $100 to unload the truck and then take some stuff to the dump.”
“Isn’t it a little cold to be working outside? On a weekend?”
EITHER/OR CHOICES & A BANDWAGON APPEAL
“Look, either you try this, or we’ll starve. Everyone has to work; all your friends have jobs. Why do you think you should be any different?”
“It’s not really feasible,” I said. “Even if I get all that paperwork done and fill out those forms, I don’t think I’d get any jobs. The school year’s half over; they must have a stable of reliable substitutes by now. Why would they call me?”
“They would call you,” FW said, “because one of the guys my father golfs with, that guy Parker, you remember him from last 4th of July. Big guy, smokes cigars. He’s the principal of the junior high. He’s having an affair with a woman in the Board of Education Office, and she’s the one in charge of calling the substitutes. She’ll put your name on the top, so you get called first. It’s all taken care of.”
“What a break,” I said. “I can’t believe how things work out.”
“I got all those forms finished,” I said. “And if it turns out I don’t have tuberculosis, I can start Monday. Oh, I checked the pay. If I work 30 days a month, we should just be able to make the rent. Food and other stuff, I don’t know about.”
“You know, it’s not supposed to be a career; it’s just something to tide us over.”
“Damn, I was already looking forward to summers off.”
MONDAY
“Hi. This is Jeannie. Are you available today?"
It sounded like an invitation, but an invitation to what I could not tell. It was very early and very dark. I stared at the phone for a long time. Who was Jeannie? What could she want? Then it clicked.
“Sure, I’m available. What do you have?”
“Junior High #2 needs a reading sub. Report to the office before 7:15 for your room assignments and instructions.”
While showering, I amused myself by trying to put a face and a body to the voice of Jeannie. I wanted to imagine what Parker was up to. I wondered if Jeannie was married as well. Was it a double cheating situation, or was Jeannie single, or more likely divorced, and pining for that arrogant cigar smoking fool Parker to leave his wife and make an honest woman of her?
I couldn’t come up with a plausible scenario. I resolved to listen more attentively if she called tomorrow.
HOMEROOM AND THE SLIPPERY SLOPE
I was sitting in a room in a Junior High #2. The kids were milling around. A couple of electronic bells rang. A few more kids strolled in. I was sitting on the desk, taking in the show. A kid appeared at my elbow.
“I need your attendance sheet.”
“My what?”
“You have to take attendance right after the first bell. Then you mark off the absences on your sheet and I take it to the office. And whoever comes in after the bell, you have to send them to the detention room."
The what?”
“The detention room. Then they can get a pass to come back in here, after they’re signed up for detention.”
I looked through the papers I had been given at the office. I found the attendance sheet,
wrote ALL PRESENT on the top and gave it to the little collaborator. As he left the room, I noticed a teacher in the room across the hall waving me over. I walked over.
“Those students who came in late, you have to send them to the detention room. They can’t be coming in late like that. Otherwise they'll think they can get away with anything.”
“I’ll take care of it,” I said. I tried to give him a nod and a wink, but all I could manage was a half squint that scrunched up the right side of my face as if I had a condition. I knew the effect was horrible and even though I hadn’t intended it, I realized it had done the job. He backed off.
INTO THE ABYSS
Another bell rang and everyone was off. The halls were a maelstrom of activity. I decided to wait rather then be carried off by the current. I wondered what would happen if I were late to class. Would the students demand that I be sent of to the detention room? Would some officious prick wag his finger at me for setting a bad example? Unlike college, where professors could wander into class at their leisure, junior high teachers were expected to have arrived at their desks, books open, chalk in hand, sporting malignant half smiles, well before the students arrived. I knew that much.
The reading teacher had left some basic instructions. Read page this to page that.
I wrote the instructions on the board and sat down. I was trying to read, but the students were loud and louder.
“Hey, quiet,” I said. “You’re supposed to be reading.”
They didn’t quiet. They got louder.
“If they don’t listen, you’re supposed to send them to the office.” This from a toady in the front row.
I pointed to the loudest lout. “Hey you, get out. Go to the office.”
He looked sort of nonplussed, but he got up and left. Still, the noise continued. I couldn’t concentrate on my reading. I decided to kick out some more.
“You, out. To the office. You, too. Go.”
The toady was waving his hand wildly, trying to get my attention. “When you kick them out, you have to call the office. Otherwise they won’t go.” He pointed to a phone on the wall.
I walked over to the phone. There was a sticker on the wall underneath it. Press #99 for main office. I picked up the receiver, punched a few numbers at random and mumbled loudly but incoherently. They quieted down. I went back to my reading.
As the day wore on, I fell into a rhythm. “Get out.” “You, get out.” "You get out too.” Walk over to phone. “Bla, bla, bla.” Continue reading.
I had 5 reading classes in a row, then lunch. After lunch I checked my schedule.
Periods 6 & 7: “No classes scheduled. Please report to library and be available to assist if necessary.”
I was at the liquor store by 1:15, home at 1:30.
A HASTY GENERALIZATION
“Well, how was it?" FW asked when she came in.
“More brutal than I could have imagined, but I'll try to stick it out .”
JIM LETS US GO
Hey guys. How was your weekend? Do anything good?”
“Nothing much. The usual,” CR said.
“I got married,” I said. “That was on Saturday. On Sunday I watched the playoffs.”
“Jeez,” said Jim. “I guess I’ve got some bad timing then.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“I’ve got to let the both of you go. Friday’s gonna be your last day."
“No problem,” I said. “If you got to, then you got to.”
“Yeah,” said Jim. “You know how it is then.”
I did know how it was. Over the past couple of months my job had consisted of trying to stretch out an hour’s worth of work into a full day of looking busy. In many ways, it was more tiring than actually working.
NEWS FLASH
“I got fired today. Well actually Jim let us go.” I said. “I’m through on Friday.”
“I’m shocked,” FW said. “As hard a worker as you are. What will you do now?”
“Right now, I’m gonna see what’s on. After that, I don’t know.”
A RED HERRING & AN EQUIVOCATION
“I talked to my father. He thinks you should substitute teach.”
“Since when did your father become an employment counselor? Last I looked he was putting up aluminum siding.”
“That’s vinyl siding. And he says come by Saturday morning. He’ll pay you $100 to unload the truck and then take some stuff to the dump.”
“Isn’t it a little cold to be working outside? On a weekend?”
EITHER/OR CHOICES & A BANDWAGON APPEAL
“Look, either you try this, or we’ll starve. Everyone has to work; all your friends have jobs. Why do you think you should be any different?”
“It’s not really feasible,” I said. “Even if I get all that paperwork done and fill out those forms, I don’t think I’d get any jobs. The school year’s half over; they must have a stable of reliable substitutes by now. Why would they call me?”
“They would call you,” FW said, “because one of the guys my father golfs with, that guy Parker, you remember him from last 4th of July. Big guy, smokes cigars. He’s the principal of the junior high. He’s having an affair with a woman in the Board of Education Office, and she’s the one in charge of calling the substitutes. She’ll put your name on the top, so you get called first. It’s all taken care of.”
“What a break,” I said. “I can’t believe how things work out.”
“I got all those forms finished,” I said. “And if it turns out I don’t have tuberculosis, I can start Monday. Oh, I checked the pay. If I work 30 days a month, we should just be able to make the rent. Food and other stuff, I don’t know about.”
“You know, it’s not supposed to be a career; it’s just something to tide us over.”
“Damn, I was already looking forward to summers off.”
MONDAY
“Hi. This is Jeannie. Are you available today?"
It sounded like an invitation, but an invitation to what I could not tell. It was very early and very dark. I stared at the phone for a long time. Who was Jeannie? What could she want? Then it clicked.
“Sure, I’m available. What do you have?”
“Junior High #2 needs a reading sub. Report to the office before 7:15 for your room assignments and instructions.”
While showering, I amused myself by trying to put a face and a body to the voice of Jeannie. I wanted to imagine what Parker was up to. I wondered if Jeannie was married as well. Was it a double cheating situation, or was Jeannie single, or more likely divorced, and pining for that arrogant cigar smoking fool Parker to leave his wife and make an honest woman of her?
I couldn’t come up with a plausible scenario. I resolved to listen more attentively if she called tomorrow.
HOMEROOM AND THE SLIPPERY SLOPE
I was sitting in a room in a Junior High #2. The kids were milling around. A couple of electronic bells rang. A few more kids strolled in. I was sitting on the desk, taking in the show. A kid appeared at my elbow.
“I need your attendance sheet.”
“My what?”
“You have to take attendance right after the first bell. Then you mark off the absences on your sheet and I take it to the office. And whoever comes in after the bell, you have to send them to the detention room."
The what?”
“The detention room. Then they can get a pass to come back in here, after they’re signed up for detention.”
I looked through the papers I had been given at the office. I found the attendance sheet,
wrote ALL PRESENT on the top and gave it to the little collaborator. As he left the room, I noticed a teacher in the room across the hall waving me over. I walked over.
“Those students who came in late, you have to send them to the detention room. They can’t be coming in late like that. Otherwise they'll think they can get away with anything.”
“I’ll take care of it,” I said. I tried to give him a nod and a wink, but all I could manage was a half squint that scrunched up the right side of my face as if I had a condition. I knew the effect was horrible and even though I hadn’t intended it, I realized it had done the job. He backed off.
INTO THE ABYSS
Another bell rang and everyone was off. The halls were a maelstrom of activity. I decided to wait rather then be carried off by the current. I wondered what would happen if I were late to class. Would the students demand that I be sent of to the detention room? Would some officious prick wag his finger at me for setting a bad example? Unlike college, where professors could wander into class at their leisure, junior high teachers were expected to have arrived at their desks, books open, chalk in hand, sporting malignant half smiles, well before the students arrived. I knew that much.
The reading teacher had left some basic instructions. Read page this to page that.
I wrote the instructions on the board and sat down. I was trying to read, but the students were loud and louder.
“Hey, quiet,” I said. “You’re supposed to be reading.”
They didn’t quiet. They got louder.
“If they don’t listen, you’re supposed to send them to the office.” This from a toady in the front row.
I pointed to the loudest lout. “Hey you, get out. Go to the office.”
He looked sort of nonplussed, but he got up and left. Still, the noise continued. I couldn’t concentrate on my reading. I decided to kick out some more.
“You, out. To the office. You, too. Go.”
The toady was waving his hand wildly, trying to get my attention. “When you kick them out, you have to call the office. Otherwise they won’t go.” He pointed to a phone on the wall.
I walked over to the phone. There was a sticker on the wall underneath it. Press #99 for main office. I picked up the receiver, punched a few numbers at random and mumbled loudly but incoherently. They quieted down. I went back to my reading.
As the day wore on, I fell into a rhythm. “Get out.” “You, get out.” "You get out too.” Walk over to phone. “Bla, bla, bla.” Continue reading.
I had 5 reading classes in a row, then lunch. After lunch I checked my schedule.
Periods 6 & 7: “No classes scheduled. Please report to library and be available to assist if necessary.”
I was at the liquor store by 1:15, home at 1:30.
A HASTY GENERALIZATION
“Well, how was it?" FW asked when she came in.
“More brutal than I could have imagined, but I'll try to stick it out .”
Comments:
Post a Comment
