Sunday, April 23, 2006


"Guess who I saw at the FoodMart?" I asked.

"Who?" LZ responded.

"Chase Utley," I said.

"Who?" LZ repeared.

"Chase Utley," I said once more.

"I heard you," LZ said, "I meant, who is Chase Utley?"

"He's on the Phillies," I said. "Plays second base, I think."

"And he was in the FoodMart?" LZ said.

"Buying Pop Tarts," I said. "They were on sale."

"Hmm," LZ said.

"He's very pasty, a little overweight, and has bad skin," I said. "You wouldn't know it from tv."

"A fat man with bad skin who plays for the Phillies was buying discount Eggos in the FoodMart down the street?" LZ stated.

"Pop Tarts," I corrected.

"How can you be sure it was him?" LZ asked.

"He was wearing a Phillies shirt," I said. "The striped version, and his name was on it."

Friday, April 07, 2006


LZ calls me at work.

"Is it possible that you forgot to lock the door this morning?" she asks.

"Hmm," I reply.

"Not only was it unlocked, it was actually left open a few inches," she says.

"Um," I say.

"Do you think you went to work and just left the door wide open?" she asks.

"What room are you in?" I ask.

"The dining room," LZ replies.

"Do me a favor," I say, "and walk to the living room."

"What now?" LZ asks.

"Look around," I say. "Is our stuff still there? TV? Computer? DVD player? Stuff like that."

"It's here," LZ says.

"Then I guess it was me who left the door open," I say.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


"Is that all today sir?" the woman at the counter of the local farm/feed store asks, as she points to the 10 lb. pound of dog food I have set on the counter.

"Yes, that's all," I say.

"You know we have the bigger bags," she says.

"I know, " I say, "but I don't have the bigger money today."

"But, it's a better buy," she says.

"That's OK," I say. "This will be fine."

"You see," she explains, "if you buy the bigger bag, you can save more money."

"If I were really interested in saving money I'd go up the highway to the Giant PetFoodWorld, now wouldn't I?" I ask. "Instead of shopping here in town."

"Hmphf," she growls as she rings up the dog food.

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