Monday, June 28, 2004


The Things have been staging an insurgency over the last few months. It came to a head this weekend. There were temper tantrums for no reason, unauthorized raids on the refrigerator, pitched battles over television access, pet maulings, and other offenses too numerous to mention.

Then, to top it off, Thing Two stayed up till all hours last night, making repeated forays downstairs when she should have been sound asleep.

So, in a surprise move, I transferred sovereignty to LZ very early this morning. This was done in a low key manner, with no fanfare. The Things, though awake, were groggy enough to be taken unawares, and the transfer was accomplished without incident or protest.

I then left the premises for a day at work, confident that the action I have taken will prevent any future uprisings and that peace will prevail.

Friday, June 04, 2004


"Should we go see Shrek today?" I ask.

Chorus: "It's not Shrek, Daddy. It's Shrek 2."


Thing One watches intently, never taking her eyes from the screen.

Thing Two squirms and ducks as if under attack.


"Daddy, can we go buy the DVD for Shrek 2 now?" asks One.

I explain the industry's position on theater grosses and release dates for DVDs.

"Then can we go back to the theater next week and watch Shrek 2 again?"

"We'll see about that," I say. "And how about you," I say to Two. "Did you like the movie?"

"I don't want to talk about it," says Two.

"Was it scary?" I ask.

"I said." (Emphatic pause) "I don't want to talk about it," says Two.


Two sidles up to me and whispers, "Daddy, when Shrek was a person he looked kind of cool."

"Anything else you want to say about the movie? I ask.

"No Daddy."


"So," I ask, "which did you like better, Shrek or Shrek 2?"

"I liked Shrek 2 better," says One.

"And why was that?"

"I liked it when Shrek became a human."

"And what about you?" I ask Two.

"I like the regular Shrek the best," she says.

"And why is that?" I ask.

"I told you, I don't want to talk about it."


"One last thing," I say to One. "For yourself, would you rather be a human or an ogre?"

"I don't want to answer that question," says One.

"Why not?" I ask.

"I'm not talking about it," says One. "And I'm not answering that question."

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