MONKEYSAYS

DOPPELGANGER, WITH SCISSORS

"I had a nice long talk with Clifford yesterday."

”With who?”

"Clifford, the guy who cuts my hair."

"Wait, let's back up a little. Since when do you have nice long talks
with anybody? Much less the guy who cuts your hair?"

"Me? I'm very talkative. Besides, he started it. Well, I've got to go.
I'll tell you about it tonight."

THAT EVENING

"You were going to tell me about your conversation with Clifford?

"With who?"

Clifford, the guy who cuts your hair."

"Right, Clifford. He's a great guy."

”A great guy? You never said that before. You said Clifford was gay and
you were going to start going to a regular old time barber instead. You said you were starting to get creeped out going to Clifford."

"I don’t think I would have said creeped out. I rarely get creeped out. I may have said he was giving me the heebie-jeebies. I am susceptible to the heebie-jeebies. You must be thinking of someone else who was creeped out. Anyway, Clifford's not gay."

"What changed your mind?

"What do you mean?"

"The first time you went to him, you told me he was gay. You said he was
wearing a wedding ring as a disguise. The next time you went to him he
told you he had kids. You told me he was still gay, but he just didn't know
it."

"Oh, yeah. Well, I was wrong. Clifford's not gay. He's a big Eagles
fan, just like me. He knows all the players. He turns down the tv sound and
listens to the radio because the local announcers are better. He listens
to the coach's press conference after the game."

"Now I understand."

LATER, THAT SAME EVENING

”You know, maybe you should have married Clifford. He's just like me, and
he has a skill."

"You honestly think that would work in his favor? That he's just like
you?"

"Don't laugh. I said: He's just like me, and, he has a skill."

"Oh, that would make a difference then."