MONKEYSAYS

A GRAPE FIEND

A large woman was blocking my way to the grapes. I couldn't imagine what was taking her so long. Then I realized she was picking some from the bags and eating them. I tried to make eye contact to communicate my disgust, but she kept her head down and continued munching. Must be some sort of grape fiend, I thought. Finally, she shuffled over enough to let me get to the bin. I stared hard at the bags, trying to will myself to pick one that hadn't been pawed through.

"Don't bother," she said.

"Excuse me?" I said. "Were you talking to me?"

"Don't waste your time on the grapes. They're sour."

"Oh," I said.

"The last time they were on sale I bought a bunch and they were all sour tasting. That's why I was trying these. I think they only put them on sale when they're sour. So don't waste your time."

"Thanks," I said. "I won't."

AND ANOTHER

"Did you remember the grapes?" LW asked.

"I didn't buy the grapes," I said. "They were sour."

"If you forgot, you should just say so," LW said. "How could you possibly tell that they were sour?"

"You don't want to know," I said.

"Two is going to be very disappointed," LW said. "She's a real grape fiend these days."

"She'll just have to get over it," I said. "I'm not having sour grapes into this house if I can help it."

TWO'S REVENGE

"Daddy, did you see my setup in the other room?"

"Yes, I did," I said. "It's quite extravagant. What's going on with all the doll furniture and blocks all over the floor?"

"Just the doll children are having a party. They are eating grapes and cake. There is no Mom and Dad."

"Why no Mom and Dad? Where are they?"

"They died."

"How sad. What happened to them?'

"Nothing happened. They got too old and they died."

"The children must be very upset."

Silence.

"Or maybe they're better off."

"They are better, Daddy."