Tuesday, April 20, 2004
ALL THE BLOGS IN THE WORLD AND
I was in line at the liquor store. The woman in front of had two six-packs and asked for two packs of cigarettes. She made a face when the clerk rang her up.
"You know it's time to stop smoking when the cigarettes cost more than the beer. Haw haw."
"Haw haw," said the clerk.
I see this particular clerk a lot. He's Korean. He's got the decimal system down, and he's got some phrases: "Hello." "Thank you very much” "Good-bye come again." And that's about it. That's why I like to get in his line.
He's smiling and bobbing his head, but it's painfully obvious he has no idea what the woman is talking about.
"You know what I'm going to do? I'm moving down to South Carolina," she says. "At least down there, you can afford to smoke. Haw haw."
"Yes. Yes. Thank you very much. Come Again."
"South Carolina. Haw haw."
I cleared my throat. LZ, waiting by the door, shot me a look. I hesitated for a second and missed my chance. South Carolina was gone.
On the way home I turned off the car radio.
"LZ," I said. "We have to talk. I can't be taking you out with me if you are going to inhibit my intercourse with the people."
"One," said LZ. "A drive to the liquor store is not out, not in any real sense of the word. And two, I never said a word. It's your own guilt about baiting people for that lunatic blog. Don't project your conflicts on me."
"I need material," I said. "I can't just go making things up. The bloggers don't like it. And besides, if anything, she was baiting me and Mr. Kim with her visions of a southern smoker’s paradise. I was just minding my own business. Trying to buy some wine."
“I hear they have those video poker parlors down there, too,” LZ said. “They’ve got pretty much all anyone could want. The supermarkets, they’re non-union; everything’s cheaper. Maybe we should move.”
“I would go,” I said. “Except for the palmetto bugs. They give me the heebies. I’m not moving down there until they get rid of those bugs. Also, the Confederates.”
“When the bloggers read all this nonsense, they’re going to be really mad,” LZ said.
They’ll know this whole conversation was made up.”
“It is made up,” I said. "But it’s still true.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in line at the liquor store. The woman in front of had two six-packs and asked for two packs of cigarettes. She made a face when the clerk rang her up.
"You know it's time to stop smoking when the cigarettes cost more than the beer. Haw haw."
"Haw haw," said the clerk.
I see this particular clerk a lot. He's Korean. He's got the decimal system down, and he's got some phrases: "Hello." "Thank you very much” "Good-bye come again." And that's about it. That's why I like to get in his line.
He's smiling and bobbing his head, but it's painfully obvious he has no idea what the woman is talking about.
"You know what I'm going to do? I'm moving down to South Carolina," she says. "At least down there, you can afford to smoke. Haw haw."
"Yes. Yes. Thank you very much. Come Again."
"South Carolina. Haw haw."
I cleared my throat. LZ, waiting by the door, shot me a look. I hesitated for a second and missed my chance. South Carolina was gone.
On the way home I turned off the car radio.
"LZ," I said. "We have to talk. I can't be taking you out with me if you are going to inhibit my intercourse with the people."
"One," said LZ. "A drive to the liquor store is not out, not in any real sense of the word. And two, I never said a word. It's your own guilt about baiting people for that lunatic blog. Don't project your conflicts on me."
"I need material," I said. "I can't just go making things up. The bloggers don't like it. And besides, if anything, she was baiting me and Mr. Kim with her visions of a southern smoker’s paradise. I was just minding my own business. Trying to buy some wine."
“I hear they have those video poker parlors down there, too,” LZ said. “They’ve got pretty much all anyone could want. The supermarkets, they’re non-union; everything’s cheaper. Maybe we should move.”
“I would go,” I said. “Except for the palmetto bugs. They give me the heebies. I’m not moving down there until they get rid of those bugs. Also, the Confederates.”
“When the bloggers read all this nonsense, they’re going to be really mad,” LZ said.
They’ll know this whole conversation was made up.”
“It is made up,” I said. "But it’s still true.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comments:
Post a Comment
