MONKEYSAYS

EPISTEMOLOGY, THE EXPERIENTALIST, AND ELMO

I was lying on the couch, almost asleep, but Thing One felt like talking.

“Daddy, do you remember the Elmo cups we had when we were little?”

“Elmo cups?”

“Yes, but they weren’t all Elmo cups”

“Weren’t they?”

“No, there was Elmo and Cookie Monster and the Grouch and Big Bird. They were for stacking."

“Oh.”

“But Elmo was the one I broke the window with.”

I sat up. It had been more than two years ago. I’d been upstairs and heard a banging. I thought someone was at the door. By the time I got down, all was quiet. There was no one at the door. Thing One was playing and Thing Two was sound asleep. No one knew anything. Even the dog was confounded. It wasn’t until the next day that I’d discovered a long crack in the upper part of the window over the couch where I was now sitting.

“You mean a long time ago?” I asked.

"Yes, Daddy."

“You were always the prime suspect,” I said. “Your mother and brother were out and your sister was asleep. Why didn’t you tell me that day what happened, when I asked?”

“I couldn’t talk yet,” One replied.

“I think you could talk then,” I said.

“No, Daddy.”

“That crack was very high up,” I said. “How did you break it way up there?”

One climbed over me onto the couch and pulled herself up onto the back. She stood up, holding the window frame for support. “Like this,” she said.

“With one hand holding on, you smashed the window with the Elmo cup in your other hand?” I asked.

“Yes, Daddy.”

“And why did you do that?” I asked. “Do you remember?”

“Yes, Daddy, I remember. I wanted to see what windows are for.”

“So, it’s settled now?” I asked. “You know what windows are for?”

“Yes, Daddy.”