MONKEYSAYS

BUSTED, CONTINUED

THEY SAY THE KENNEDYS NEVER CARRIED CASH EITHER

I ran into B in the lobby of our building the other afternoon.

"Can I borrow five dollars?" she asked. "Just until I get back upstairs."

I knew it was futile, but I made a show of taking out my wallet and checking. "Sorry," I said. "I only have a dollar."

"Really," she said. "You really only have a dollar?"

"That's it," I said.

About fifteen minutes later B came over to my desk.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you downstairs," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Those people in line, I'm pretty sure they all heard you only had a dollar."

"I'm not embarrassed," I said.

"Really," B said. "I'd think you'd be embarrassed."

"I don't have much of a sense of shame, at least for financial stuff," I said.

"Could I ask you a question?" B said. "How do you leave the house with only a dollar? What if you need something?"

"Well, if something came up I have an ATM card and credit cards," I said. "It's not like I couldn't get money if I needed it."

B was laughing. "Still," she said, "who leaves the house with only a dollar? It's crazy."

"Actually, I didn't really leave the house with only a dollar," I said. "The day's almost over. I got gas this morning, bought coffee, and bought lunch. A dollar's just what I have left."

B laughed even harder. "Only a dollar," she repeated. "Wait until I tell my husband this one."

That got me to thinking. Exactly how much a source of amusement was I to her? What other "ones" had she told her husband about? Was I the office eccentric? I always thought she was providing me with material. Who knew it went both ways? And what to do about it?

---------------------------------------------------------------

On our way out the next morning I brought it to LZ.

"She's right," LZ said. "You shouldn't leave the house with only a dollar."

"With her, it's embarrassment and shame. With you, it's a moral imperative," I said.

"It's not morals," LZ said. "It's common sense."

"Is there a supposition that I have a big bag of money stashed somewhere in the house and every day I peel off one dollar bill and place it carefully in my wallet? I asked. "Is that what the two of you are getting at? And anyway, I told you I didn't start with just a dollar."

"You know what I mean," LZ Said. "It's irresponsible. What if something happened?"

"I can envision this happening," I said. "A guy tries to mug me in the parking garge and he gets enraged because I only have a dollar and he pistol whips and stomps me for being poor. Is that what you mean?

"I thought you said you got gas," LZ said. "Because you're almost out."