Wednesday, July 14, 2004
ROLL OVER JOHN RITTER
Two and I were watching television on a morning just like this one.
"Clifford is not real," Two said.
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Dogs don't grow that big," she said.
"Clifford did," I said. "I see him right there. He's as big as the house."
"That is not a real dog. That is a bunch of men in a Clifford suit," Two said.
"Oh," I said. "So that's how they do it."
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RECIDIVISM
LZ was looking over my shoulder. "So, you finally get to a computer and this is what you come up with?" she said. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Exploiting your own children for cheap laughs. It's Art Linkletter stuff. And you know how he ended up."
"No, I don't," I said. "How did he?"
"Whatever happened to the Technology Summit?" LZ asked. "Shouldn't you be using your limited computer time to make fun of coworkers and strangers instead of your own family?
"It's not exploiting if I'm not being paid for it," I said.
"It's perversity, then," LZ said. "Plain and simple."
"I think you're on the right track," I said. "But it's more than that, well actually it's less. I've got no evidence that anyone actually reads this thing. In fact, I have some evidence that no one does. No one reads it, no knows who I am, no one can know who the Things are. And as for you, you don't even really exist. At least this version of you, this version of you having this conversation doesn't exist. It's a device of mine. You've got nothing to do with it at all. In fact, as I'm sure you know, your name isn't even really LZ."
I though I may have gone too far with that one, but LZ didn't seem annoyed. In fact, she looked like she was trying not to laugh.
"What I was doing," I said, "was trying to use the Clifford thing as a setup to a topical post. I was just feeling my way. It was not meant to reflect badly on Two."
"I thought," said LZ, "that you weren't going to use this one for topical stuff. I thought that's why you set up the other one."
"I wasn't thinking," I said. "I'll put it up over there as soon as I work it out."
Two and I were watching television on a morning just like this one.
"Clifford is not real," Two said.
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Dogs don't grow that big," she said.
"Clifford did," I said. "I see him right there. He's as big as the house."
"That is not a real dog. That is a bunch of men in a Clifford suit," Two said.
"Oh," I said. "So that's how they do it."
---------------------------------------------------------
RECIDIVISM
LZ was looking over my shoulder. "So, you finally get to a computer and this is what you come up with?" she said. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Exploiting your own children for cheap laughs. It's Art Linkletter stuff. And you know how he ended up."
"No, I don't," I said. "How did he?"
"Whatever happened to the Technology Summit?" LZ asked. "Shouldn't you be using your limited computer time to make fun of coworkers and strangers instead of your own family?
"It's not exploiting if I'm not being paid for it," I said.
"It's perversity, then," LZ said. "Plain and simple."
"I think you're on the right track," I said. "But it's more than that, well actually it's less. I've got no evidence that anyone actually reads this thing. In fact, I have some evidence that no one does. No one reads it, no knows who I am, no one can know who the Things are. And as for you, you don't even really exist. At least this version of you, this version of you having this conversation doesn't exist. It's a device of mine. You've got nothing to do with it at all. In fact, as I'm sure you know, your name isn't even really LZ."
I though I may have gone too far with that one, but LZ didn't seem annoyed. In fact, she looked like she was trying not to laugh.
"What I was doing," I said, "was trying to use the Clifford thing as a setup to a topical post. I was just feeling my way. It was not meant to reflect badly on Two."
"I thought," said LZ, "that you weren't going to use this one for topical stuff. I thought that's why you set up the other one."
"I wasn't thinking," I said. "I'll put it up over there as soon as I work it out."
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