Tuesday, August 03, 2004
I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST EAT
"I've noticed," said LZ, "that the character of you in those blog stories never gets upset. There's craziness and stupidity swirling all around, yet you remain calm."
"Yes, that's true," I said.
"That's how you see yourself?" LZ asked.
"Absolutely," I said. "All of the screaming and yelling I do on the outside means nothing. On the inside I'm as cool and collected as can be."
"I'm glad you cleared that up," LZ said. "Otherwise I wouldn't have realized how...."
"Hold that thought," I said. "I'm gonna go yell at the Things and maybe the dog; I'll be right back."
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"Where were we?" I asked.
"I've also noticed," LZ said, "that the inhabitants of that farm you're running are disproportionately dead, or walking dead, or damaged in some horrible way."
"That is true," I said. "And it's only going to get worse. I'm sending Old Jake Jurvoz and his three brothers over there next. Two of them are already dead.
"And after that, I've got another dead guy with another big head, and a dead slow painter ready to go. Oh, and by the way, I was thinking we should have a cookout over the holiday weekend. How about it?"
"A cookout's fine," LZ said. "But let's keep it on the small side, nice and under control. Not a big blowout"
"No problem," I said.
"I've noticed," said LZ, "that the character of you in those blog stories never gets upset. There's craziness and stupidity swirling all around, yet you remain calm."
"Yes, that's true," I said.
"That's how you see yourself?" LZ asked.
"Absolutely," I said. "All of the screaming and yelling I do on the outside means nothing. On the inside I'm as cool and collected as can be."
"I'm glad you cleared that up," LZ said. "Otherwise I wouldn't have realized how...."
"Hold that thought," I said. "I'm gonna go yell at the Things and maybe the dog; I'll be right back."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Where were we?" I asked.
"I've also noticed," LZ said, "that the inhabitants of that farm you're running are disproportionately dead, or walking dead, or damaged in some horrible way."
"That is true," I said. "And it's only going to get worse. I'm sending Old Jake Jurvoz and his three brothers over there next. Two of them are already dead.
"And after that, I've got another dead guy with another big head, and a dead slow painter ready to go. Oh, and by the way, I was thinking we should have a cookout over the holiday weekend. How about it?"
"A cookout's fine," LZ said. "But let's keep it on the small side, nice and under control. Not a big blowout"
"No problem," I said.
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