MONKEYSAYS

TORO, TORO, TORO

"I had a dream," I told LZ.

She groaned and rolled over.

"I'm going to tell you about it," I said.

I heard a whimper from under the covers. I felt a kick.

"We were in Charleston," I said. "I knew it was supposed to be Charleston, even though everything behind us was at the Jersey shore."

"Fascinating," said LZ. "I never knew dreams could be all disjointed like that."

"We were standing on a little sidewalk, with boardwalk and the ocean were directly behind us, but we were looking out on a Charleston street full of restaurants and shops."

"Maybe I should get up and takes notes," LZ said.

"Don't worry about that," I said. "I've got the official transcript. You can refer to that if need be."


"So, there was a Japanese restaurant on the left. It had a purple neon sign. I forget the name. Apparently we had eaten there before and were deciding if we should go there again. To our right there was a ramp. There was a Japanese woman and her daughter, about 15 or so, standing on the ramp. They were looking at the restaurant as well."

"'Do you know this restaurant?' she asked you."

"'Yes,' you said. 'It's very good.'"

"'It has a terrible name,' she said. 'Not Japanese.'"

"'Oh,' you said."

"'Is the food good?' the woman asked."

"'Yes,' you said. 'It's very good.'"

"'It is not good.' the woman said. 'Not real Japanese.' By now she was really yelling at you."

"What were you doing when she was yelling at me?" LZ asked.

"Well, I didn't like it," I said. "But I was being an observer at that point. I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't interfere."

"So you didn't stand up for me?" LZ asked.

"I really didn't think it was necessary," I said. "And I was pretty sure it was a dream by that point, because I knew if it was real life I would have been yelling by then."

"Did you ever study logic?" LZ asked. "Or do you just come by this stuff naturally?"

"Then she asked if you liked the sushi," I said. "You said you did, and she got really angry: 'You don't know sushi, sushi there is like rubber,' she shouted. 'Not real fish at all.'"

'"And the salad,' she said. 'Have you tried the salad?'"

"'Yes,' you said, 'I enjoyed it.'"

"'That was not chicken in the salad,' the woman said. 'They use lizard instead of chicken. It is not a good salad.'"

"At this point you were looking at me for help," I said. "So I sort of jerked my head, like we should leave down the other ramp even though I knew it would be the end of the dream."

"That was very noble of you," LZ said.

"The woman saw us starting to leave. 'And one last thing,' she yelled. 'Did you have the sake?'"

"'Yes,' you said. 'And it was very good.'"

"'It was not good.' the woman said. 'Did you see the label? Freestone. Do you think with a name like that it was Japanese sake? Of course not. You do not know sake at all.'''

"'She was right about that'" I told you," I said. "You're not a big sake expert."

"The Japanese woman was a stand-in for you," LZ said. "Even in your dreams you know I can't stand to be quizzed about things, so you dream up a Japanese woman to do it for you and get the blame, while you stand innocently by. That's why you're defending her about the sake too."

"I'm going to get up and make some coffee now," I said. "We've got a couple of kinds out there. Which do you think is best?"